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Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is Bitch at Lum

2:30 PM WE BEEN WORKIN IN THE ORE MINES, WORKIN UP NORTH, WORKIN IN THE ORE MINES, WHOOP WE GONNA REST NOW

Normally I don't hype my own guild, the Temple of Mondain, but this time I think I can make an exception. Follow this link to see a screenshot of the first confirmed Grandmaster Blacksmith on Siege Perilous!

10:30 AM AND ON HIS WAY OUT, HE KICKED A DOG AND MADE FUN OF CANADIANS

Thunderlips, proud homeowner on Siege, sends this:

Heres my OSI asshole of the week, GM Hargrim (maybe I have the spelling wrong).

Let me sum up. On Siege, I'm doing pretty well so I decided to buy rare items people have picked up. One guy sold me a collection of 10-12 items for like 8k, so I thought that was pretty cool. In his collection he had a Blue Metal Shield. Looks like just a metal shield, but blue (well, duh...). It looked cool though, but I wasn't sure if it was rare, bugged or dyed or something.

Anyhow, I had no idea if this was rare, so I paged a GM. God that was that a mistake. First a counselor shows up, and doesn't know so he brings a GM. In front of the moonglow bank and GM Hargrim show up, and tells me shield is one of a kind. I'm pretty stoked. He proceeds to interrogate me on where I got it. I tell him in a chest in Despise (where the one dude found it). He asks again, as if I'm lying. I say the same thing.

Now, the good part. He takes the shield from me, destroys it, and hand me a normal metal shield! I was just shocked. Everyone around me was "WTF!". He said, "Sorry, boss told me to". Please! Like Runesaber gives a rats ass about a blue shield! One guy said "Tell him to go fuck himself!". The GM then grabbed that dude and they both disappeared. Its one thing reading about GM shit on your page, but its a whole diffrent story to see it first hand. I guess the moral of the story is, never ask for help. Period.

10:30 AM HEY, HERE'S A K00L CHILD REARING XPLOIT - IF YOU GIVE A BABY A BOTTLE OF MILK, THEY USUALLY QUIT CRYING! B3 SUR3 T0 GIV3 M3 MAD CR3DZ F0R THIZ!

From the Dr. TwisTer NeTwork we recieved this:

The Reason Dr. Twister's site sucks right now is because he is swamped with his new baby. Give him a break. On a lighter note he just added several new site administrators including myself. So you will be seeng the site updated every day now.

Tolkien - Site Admin- Dr. Twister

Here's a hint - it wasn't the quantity of the site updates I was referring to.

8:30 AM RANDOM NOTES

Robert Downey Jr. is in prison again.

Ronald McDonald posted a new flash movie that involves Runesabre's violent and messy death.

My Swordsmanship on The Hard Shard is up to about 15.6. I feel good about this.

Tried out Asheron's Call Beta 2.1 and gave Mushashi a hard time. It was awful pretty even if I couldn't find any Matt Drudges (the newbie monsters are all named Drudges). And, as I told Mu, "You know, if you jump real high and turn in mid jump, you wave your arms in the air like you just don't care." Then the server crashed.

My teacher knew I had the funk.

Popped onto Tallon Zek for a couple minutes to see what was up in EQ land. I was a troll shadowknight, and listened to everyone scream at the trolls to get their butts over to Feerott since the Humans were invading. So I went to Feerott and listened to everyone scream at the ogres to get their butts over to Innothule since the Humans were invading. Then the server crashed.

Am I the only one who thinks Dr. Twister's site really, really sucks now?

My performance review is today. I'll either get a nice raise or get fired.


Thursday, August 4, 1999 Bitch at Lum

9:30 AM I LOVE YOU ALL, BUT IF YOU SHOW UP AT MY HOUSE I'M GOING TO HAVE TO KILL YOU. UNLESS YOU'RE FEMALE AND CUTE. THEN MY WIFE WILL HAVE TO KILL YOU.

And finally we have this. I'd like to comment, but words just fail.

i just had a dream about you... totally freaky

i can't belive i forgot it, i was just thinking about it over at dinner. anyway this is wat i remember

It seems as though you were having a party. The reason for the party is the strange part, its like it changed halfway through the dream. first it was a meeting for some of your UO friends, later it turned into a meeting of your highschool friends or something like that. that was around the end of the dream where it changed.

anyway suddenly your webpage pop up, i can't remember what the contents were, generally it was something about you making fun of some guy. later this guy appeared at the party.

scene change, top angled view of your house, a 1 storey bungalow with a pool. flash, back to that guy. he was joking around with some guys and you i think, i remember laughing.

suddenly, we're in a minimart and the theme changed to the 2nd one. and i hear your voice speaking, i think. it was going something like.... "what to do when meeting ppl from highschool but can't remember their names" and suddenly alot of ppl appear.

First, you see Helen Hunt, i almost woke up :)
"something something something pretty lady"
next you see alot of other ppl i have no idea where i got their faces from
"something something soemthing big fat baldy"
"something something something sexy lady"
"something something something can't remember anymore" then i woke up.

oh yea, the whole thing was in 1st person view, kinda like playing LumQuake without guns.

- H

Gee. That website seems ...familiar, somehow.

(Note: In LumQuake your character spends most of its time staring at a computer screen, which makes LumQuake the first postmodern video game. Embrace the Dichotomy!)

9:30 AM WHADDAYA MEAN ITS RACIST... I SAW IT ON A HIGHWAY CLEANUP SIGN AND THOUGHT IT SOUNDED KEWL

Delving further into the mailbag we find this:

Well, my account got banned on Saturday. After spending two days trying to find out why, I got this cute little note in the mail saying I was banned for having a guildstone on Catskills named "Ku Klux Klan". Now, this is my brothers shard, so I asked him WTF he was doing. He told me he was just goofing around with some friends. I asked him if he had any warnings about the stone, and he told me yes. A GM came up to him and told him to change the name. He told the GM he couldn't do it for a week, to due the nature of changing stone names. The GM said OK, and left.

This all happened Friday, mind you. So at 2:55 a.m. on Saturday, no more than 24 hours after the GM had warned him and my bro had agreed to change it at his earliest convenience, some idiot yanks the plug on my account.

Two questions: 1. Why didn't the GM just delete the stone when it was clear my bro couldn't do anything about it. 2. Who the hell taught OSI their communication skills? Ever tried reasoning with UO support? Like talking to a fucking robot.

And, from the person who ACTUALLY owned the account:

Well, my account got banned a few days ago. Not because I macroed on SP, or used UOE, or called Richard Garriot a faggot. It was banned because my son, who plays on Catskills, had a guildstone with the name "Ku Klux Klan". I got the letter today stating I was banned for being a racist.

Now, I take responsibility for what happens on my account but come on. His guild dressed in tacky orange clothes and stole from the masses (not scams, they used what's left of the actual stealing skill). There were no logs of racist remarks, no complaints, just a letter saying that at 2:55 a.m. on Friday my account got toasted. Gotta love big brother.

But what really pisses me off is what he told me after I brought it up with him (my son). He said the GM had warned him to change the name on Wednesday, but due to the one week timer on name changes he could not. The GM understood, and told my son to change the name as soon as possible. Why the GM didn't do it himself, I'll never know. The only thing I can figure from this is my account got banned by some self righteous Smurf who then had the GM put the stamp of approval on it.

Just tell everyone to watch what they name their stones, it could be there accounts next.

OK. It's REALLY hard for me to feel sympathy for anyone who names their guild "KKK". Even the most mongoloid of idiots should be able to see that running into a group of folks with "KKK" above their heads would be objectionable to a whole bunch of folks, including myself. And anyone with even one fourth of a clue knows that the quickest way to get your account banned is for racism (well, being racist about orcs is OK I guess).

Should the account itself have been banned? It would depend on what else was on the account I guess -- if that was the first offense, probably not. But why the GM didn't just delete the guildstone right then and there and tell Smart Boy to go buy a new one is beyond me. I'm pretty sure that was standing operating procedure anyway (such as the week after Littleton when GMs had to go delete all the immigrant geniuses who named their guilds Trenchcoat Mafia).

9:00 AM OUR HOUSE... IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR MOONGLOW

Got this one in the mail:

OGD - 0
2 Lamers with Lockpicks - 1

Later man,
Thunderlips


Wednesday, August 3, 1999 Bitch at Lum

8:00 AM MORE TALES OF GLORY FROM THE HARD SHARD

Got this one in the mail:

Hi, I was one of the 'lackies' your guildmaster spoke about in his piss and moan artical. Ill speak on behalf of myself and nobody else because I dont know what Threx and Wally (aka PHUCKCHOP boo changed his name) have to say. Here it is, we didnt know it was a bug until the 'asshole pk' was taken to jail because 400 people paged about him. After the GM sat with him in jail for fourty minutes trying to figure out the bug (he didnt seem to understand english) he deemed it wasnt a bug or somthing. I dont know the details of the jailing only what I heard from the guy on the inside, Threx. Meanwhile the GM released him and his paladins (now turned red) with counts added. So we killed more...more,more and more. We werent in it to get massive amounts of shovels or six iron ore, we were only messing around. In addition, would he be bitching this bad if we all were red, or is this a special bitch because only one of us turned red? I wouldnt mind if the GM added 500 counts to my character, Etherwar. It wasnt my purpose to aviod counts by using paladins to kill people, if I were as 'strong' as a paladin I would have done it myself and welcomed the counts. Tell your guildmaster to stop crying and roll with the punches. There are seventy-eight other places to mine on the server mabey next time after he gets killed once he will go to another place insted of returning like a moron. Thats just my opinion but fooled once shame on you, fooled twice shame on me. Anyway, take it easy and keep up the good work, I like your page even though your affiliated with that mook guildmaster.

Speaking of stupid miners on Siege Perilous, I've heard that a smith working out of Cove is up to GM already. I find this hard to believe since we have been working our smith (Mondain's Hand, out of Minoc) pretty much 24/7 and he's only 91.1, but at any rate it's only a matter of time before Lots of Very Violent People With Armor start showing up...


Tuesday, August 2, 1999 Bitch at Lum

5:30 PM BUT IT'S FULL OF BIG WORDS AND NUMBERS AND STUFF. I'LL JUST READ THIS WEEK'S THE SLUGGER AGAIN.

A new article on economics in MMRPGs and why you should care has been posted.

5:30 PM TALES OF GLORY FROM THE HARD SHARD

Tal'Mah'Ra, our intrepid and oft-banned guildmaster, sends in this:

There's currently an exploit on Siege Perilous where by you can kill another player (or dozens of other players) and not get murder counts. A particularly effective group of assholes exploited this bug on myself and a good other 20+ miners all weekend. If one of them had not been an idiot and actually started attacking people hand to hand they still would all be blue. (3 PK's 1 is red and oh gee.. over 40 dead).

Of course the standard OSI policy of dealing with bugs was quickly put into action:

1st response: page a GM: no response... contact our seekrit IRC peoples and whoa! the GM left half an hour early and so the shard has no GM!

2nd response: SRC (name withheld) shows up. hmm is that a bug? hmmm... (goes into SRC IRC) "PQ: paladins are bing used to PK and the victims cannot report thei hirelings owners is this a bug?" "Answer (Zug-notsohere): nope" Counselor reply: Sorry, the players not being able to be reported for murdering you is not a bug even though you cannot report. The players using this are just being mean...

NEXT DAY AND 25 DEAD MINERS LATER (the PK's are still blue):

3rd response GM BOBO: I have to witness this take place

4th response GM BOBO: I have talked to the players in question

(10 minutes later): 5th response GM BOBO: I am talking to the players again now.

6th response GM BOBO: You attacked them (I was blue, unarmed and not even in combat mode. never targeted another player. 1 of the 5 of us that had died for the 10th time went grey looting 670 ingots off of one of our own fallen. I PRESUME this is how he was able to draw this conclusion from the mass slaughter)

7th response GM BOBO: This call has been forwarded to a counselor

8th response GM BOBO: A counselor will explain how this is not a bug.

Now, keep in mind these responses were a progression of calls between several players over a periode of about 2 hours of dying non-stop. They were not just placed to spam the queue... people died and we paged again.

Some friendly person with OSI contacts hops in OSI IRC and talks some sense to people who.. you know.. actually listen.

It's OFFICIAL! It's a BUG! Hey... now we are getting somewhere.

9th response: SRC shows up at another group of players who are pissed off and paging. Tells them "This isnt a bug..."

10th response: GM shows up... "It's a bug.. we are aware of it and the players in question are being talked to now... (the main guy who was doing this is standing around still smack talking as his two lacky friends get teleported off to moo moo land).

11th response: "The problem is resolved and players caught doing this will have murder counts added retroactively."

2 hours later - All 3 exploiting PK'rs in question return with another batch of paladins and slaughter another dozen miners - who cant report.

The next day: All 3 exploiting PK'rs in question, return again and slaughter another dozen players.

1 hour after that: all 3 exploiting PK'rs in question, return again and slaughter another dozen players.

1 hour after that: all 3 exploiting PK'rs in question, return again and slaughter another dozen players.

Nobody mines there anymore... nobody bothers to page GMs

The exploit? Well, I know it has been your policy not to post bugs... but this one is pretty rudimentary... so never the less here is how it works... my hireling (paladin) slays you and your newbieness, in 2 hits you die... I go grey and loot you... you never get an option to report me...

Easily 50+ people were killed on the weekend by a couple players who are still 2 blue and 1 red...

Welcome to a different shard... where things are handled 'differently' where there is so much GM coverage that EVERY macro'r will get their ass busted. Welcome to an even start with no major bugs and anything caught will be dealt with accordingly... swiftly...

Ya right...

11:30 AM RUMORS OF MY DEMISE ARE ACTUALLY PRETTY COOL

No, I'm not dead. No, I'm not going to go work for the Dr. TwisTer Network.

Yes, I'm swamped at work. Yes, I do most of my updating from work because most of the time my job involves being available at my desk in case a server go boom. Yes, the Broken Mirrors series will be updated, along with a new article on virtual economics and a couple of tales of woe from The Hard Shard (it's easier to type than Siege Perilous).

Yes, Tallon Zek and Vallon Zek are up (I'm waiting on Zallon Zek myself.) I'll create a gnome necro or something there and report in.

Yes, a new MMRPG came out and I checked it out too. Will report more shortly.

Yes, Greybeard quit, and yes, for $1,000 the last time I checked, you too can be the new Butt Naked Avenger.

Yes, this update sucked. I'll have the actual content up later. Check back around 5:00P CST or so.